U.G.L.Y.

There are different degrees of ugly. The dictionary defines ugly as unpleasant to look at. There's putrid ugly, dog awful ugly or abhorrently ugly. Yet, I am having great difficultly finding the adjective to create a image of the depths of ugliness I am trying to describe.

Hubby just wants to go fishing. He has about a two month window to fish for the type of fish he most enjoys catching and Loan Shark (bass boat with OB motor) is awaiting a rebuild. So a week ago after church we took off to look at the boat Hubby found on Craig's List. It was 90 miles away and a nice sunny Sunday Ozarks afternoon drive. Hubby had obviously seen pictures of this thing because I did not see the horror in his face that I felt succumb mine. I did hear him mumble something like, "well it is kind'a ugly," as we turned in the drive of the boats owner. Now don't get me wrong, the boat is an older Bonanza model that is in immaculate condition but indescribably ugly it is. It has to do with the stomach churning infants dirty diaper yellow color all over and get this EVERYTHING MATCHES !!!!!!

My heart sank as the deal was made and the boat was latched to be back of our pick-up knowing that we had 90 miles to pull that thing before we arrived home. I tried to make myself invisible not noticing the people pointing, laughing and holding up cell phones. You could just hear their jeers and comments like," Mabel , ya won't believe what I am looking at right now!" Yep, I was really trying to ignore my surroundings when hubby proudly announces , "Hey, we are drawing attention!" I just slumped further down in my seat and pretended not to notice.

Today Ugly makes her maiden voyage. Hubby is taking a friend to the lake who is not sporting a disguise. It must be a man thing because when you see me on the lake I will be the incognito chick with make-up on under her Groucho glasses , mustache and cap catching the biggest fish in the ugliest boat.

JUNKYARD DOG

I have some catching up to do. I had this silly vision when the children were raised and we became empty nesters I would have an abundant amount of time on my hands. Sooo not true! I spent the first of last week taking my MIL for eye surgery and the last of the week taking care of my perfect and very intelligent grandchildren. ( Yes, they really are gifted.) Of course deep clean Friday had to be moved to the middle of the week. My type-A personality would not allow me skip that. Due to my full week and the absence of blogging, I will begin where this chapter needs to start to give the story the information it deserves because it takes a real ugly turn later on.

The update on the bass boats outboard motor is an ongoing matter. I understand why they call a boat a she. She has to be pampered and stroked just right or she will not perform, the maintenance is very high as I am finding out on myself as I age, especially from the neck up, and she is just a very fickle creature. ' This sounding familiar girls? At this point I am simply calling her LOAN SHARK. Hubby has replaced the water pump, had the starter rebuilt, taken the motor apart and cleaned her up and still she would not preform. He said she was not getting the water she needed so he hooked up the hose and ran it backwards through her inners and water blew from her carburetor like a pregnant woman with morning sickness. By the horrified look on hubby's face I knew that this was not a good thing and probably more expensive than this farmer could handle here at planting season.

Wednesday evening as we were eating the tacos hubby had hinted for, (" Ya' know ya used to make those really good tacos, the ones with the hard shells..."), my very optimistic positive hubby would gaze out the dinning room window where he could set sight on Loan Shark and growled. I was shocked!!! This man has an attitude of , "It'll beee- allrrright," no matter what comes his way and he is growling every few seconds at this boat like a junkyard dog. I think I realized how bad it really was when he was on Craig's list checking out other boats that evening. Somehow I don't think this is going to be alright. G-R-R-R-R-R!!!!!!!!!

HE WON IT ON EBAY

Approximately a year and a half ago my husband was in search for a working outboard motor for his bass boat. He located one on eBay that met all of his specifications and proceeded to bid on the dream of having this 90 horsepower monster propelling his boat around the lake. After spending some time and moo la he announced , "I won it on eBay!!!!" ( as wives we understand that-cha-ching$$$) The motor arrived and was installed on the boat by people who specialize in such things along with other little fixes and tweaks.(more cha-ching$$) Finally, the boat was ready for a summer of fun fishing. Due to many planned and unplanned events the boat did not see water last summer. Things like my MIL severely burning a hand while catching her house on fire. Said Mil's foot surgery, a remodel on a bedroom and bath, the list goes on. This year would be different. I arose this very windy Saturday morning to put on my make up, which my husband knows I must do before I go fishing , ate breakfast and headed to the lake for a fun filled day of fishing. Tied to the dock my hubby had some difficulty starting the motor and took the cover off it to do something manually while I drove the boat. Well the thing died. We went through the same process repeatedly getting further away from the landing . There was a point I mentioned the thing was smoking and my hubby said, "no worries just a little too much oil." Then came the strong stench of something hot, which only got worse. The water pump was out. We were sitting on the lake stranded with only two paddles to get us from point A to point B. Working madly against the wind we were getting nowhere fast. I began looking for that good Samaritan but sadly boat after boat just went around us. Just as I was about to give up all hope a nice fellow and his grandson stopped and asked if we could use a tow. YES! At this point I was a very happy camper. We tied onto the generous fellas boat as his motor started his steering cable broke. Now there we sat on the lake stranded now tied to another boat that was dead in the water. Believe it or not another good Samaritan did come along asking if we had a problem. Well dah, wasn't it obvious??? This gent tied his boat to the boat we were latched to and began towing all of us back to the dock. The boat parade had begun. We were gaining spectators at this point. My thought here was every parade needs a queen and who better than I? I began waving my best window washing wave to everyone watching and taking pictures on their cells. Good thing I applied the make-up because who would have thought when we left the house Saturday I would be queen of my own parade. All because hubby won on eBay.

CAST AWAY

The reading of the critters was an accurate forecast of our weekend weather. Saturday morning we arose to a blizzard. Feather sized snowflakes fell upon the earth like a pillow fight from Heaven. The snow came fast and furious and it was cold, so......cold. My husband thought this would be an excellent opportunity to pull out the bass boat and get it all spiffed up for the upcoming warm weather. I have a little trouble wrapping my head around this concept. Snowstorm....fishing boat???? He expelled his prized procession from winter storage and pulled it down our snow covered dirt road then carefully backed it into our drive to work on it. As he carefully maneuvered it into the spot perfect for spiffing up he heard a noise that he wasn't suppose to hear. Somehow bumping down the wintry road, the motor was released where the propeller and the propeller guard dropped to the grounds surface and broke. Now I have to ask , "Isn't the job of a propeller guard is to guard the propeller?" As the winter precept was piling up, he ordered a new propeller and some other treasures enhance his fishing experience. He too has visions of spring arriving very soon. As the boat sits in the drive blanketed with snow waiting for its new trinkets we know the first warm day that comes along my husband will be casting away somewhere on the lake.