Monday, November 21, 2011


Goats are about as scarce 'round the Ponderosa as front teeth on a back woods hillbilly. Farm Boy's daddy had a few curly horned wild critters climbin' the bluffs 'round here the first couple years of our moon~eyed marriage. There was the in and out goat Dad brought my young son. The one they prayed for under the table in Miss Judy's Primary Sunday School Class 'cause, "Mama was gonna kill it!"

Dad had purchased the wee goat from a industrious little fella at the sale barn in Eldorado Springs, Missouri thinkin' it would make an excellent pet for Geek Son. He hated it! The kid stepped on son's feet and butted him when he tried to bottle feed it plus the dang critter stripped the bark off all my strugglin' saplings. Poor little sale barn fellas heart was as broke as the Ten Commandments so Dad made the trip back, picked up the goat and returned it to it's rightful goatsick owner. Nope, no goats...we're all about crazed wild~eyed cattle here on the Ponderosa.

Now, Margaret Andrews over at 'Nanny Goats in Panties' is just wild as a pack of dogs with a three legged cat when it comes to goats. She's a freelance writer who lives in California with her handsome hubby, Mr. Mudpuppy. Margaret's amusin' blog will leave ya in stitches. In fact, she's hotter than a menopausal Nanny Goat in a pepper patch since she's been voted Best Local Blogger makin' KCRA's A-List in 2011. She's published folks. Yep, this sweet gal writes how to tutorials and presently writes for CBS Sacramento's website. Margret has even had a hand or two writing content for popular video games. You'll find her currently workin' on her screenplay and novel. All you cooks out there lookin' for new recipes must check out her goat recipe box. Just sayin'........
Do ya'll ever feel like growin' your blog and gainin' followers is kinda like nailin' jello to a tree? You work hard slaving over a hot computer writin' your little heart out but still feel it's like goin' to the goat house for wool? Well, I've got the perfect book for you!!!

Say you want your blog hotter than a Billy Goat with a blowtorch, just pick up Margaret's book "Sticky Readers: How to Attract a Loyal Blog Audience by Writing More Better." It's a lighthearted funny read yet heaped full of wonderfully useful bloggin' advice. Margaret sent me a copy since I'm in the book! Yep folks...this Ozark Farm Chick is now famous. I'm kinda in the don't section of metaphors and similes (pages 39-41) but accordin' to the expert I can get by with such overkill 'cause I'm Nezzy and it's just the way I fly!!!

That sweet generous Margaret has offered to give a signed copy of this most informative book to one of my readers. Thanks darlin'!!! To enter...just comment....easy peasy!!!

(This sweet little real life goatie belongs to the, The Maaaa of Pricilla )

Filled with hits like "Angie", "Silver Train" and "Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo (Heartbreaker)", The Rolling Stones released their hit album August 20, 1973. This was after a move in 1972 to Jamaica 'cause it was one of the few places that would let 'em in. Seems bad boy Keith Richards was kicked outta nine countries and this was a way to keep the band together. Ya'll have got to read "Sticky Readers" to help keep cute little goats and your blog outta " Goats Head Soup !!!"

("Sticky Readers" can be purchased in paperback and Kindle versions at Amazon or Barnes & Noble)

Monday, November 14, 2011


Makin' this fine lad break out in sheer laughter could depress the devil. Born July 1, 2000 with a heart more tender than my Granny Walden's special lard pie crust, this handsome fella can be as serious as a cardiac arrest. Meet Jacob, one of my three bonus grandkiddos. This sweetheart is the fantastic little brother of Alexis and Zacharie but adores playin' the role of big brother to little Ian.

Mr. City Slicker is an avid soccer, baseball and football player but is happier than a tornado in a trailer park in the kitchen. The boy loves to cook! We are blessed that he has the heart of a helper in any area and doesn't hesitate to jump right in with both feet when he sees a need. He transforms into a real 'terminator' doin' away with the mean varmints in the video games he loves. Jacob was one of several to celebrate a birthday durin' my summer sabbatical here on the Ponderosa. We love that he became a part of our family and I'm not talkin' with the tongue outta my shoe here!

Remember baby Ian? Oh, how this rockin' Grandma loved to hold this little dumplin' and sniff that new baby head! Like a buzzard to overripe roadkill, I'm addicted to that 'new baby' smell but on July the 8th, the little fella had the nerve to turn the ripe old age of two on us. Speakin' of nerve, he also had the gumption to tell this Type~A Neat Freak, "'re messssssy" when I dumped the Sesame Street Clubhouse in the toy closet. I'm sayin'.........nerve I tell ya!

This one keeps us in stitches. 'Seems he has the vocabulary of the Wikipedia Dictionary and the humor of a well seasoned comedian. 'Don't know where that comes from? Heeehehe!!! His daddy doesn't appreciate noisy toys but as a baby, Ian learned to flip those suckers over slicker than otter snot to mash the button and turn 'em on. He has an assortment of midget vehicles to ride at his disposal. He'll come cruisin' along and all the sudden come to a screechin' halt announcin' , "Oh no" runnin' off to collect his tool box. Little Tool Man will pull out his drill and wrenches workin' hard under the obviously 'broken' auto. Of course, he always finishes the job successfully.

My beautiful daughter, The Social Butterfly, was perplexed when she couldn't locate her kitchen trash can. After searchin' high and low she had to crack up when she discovered that a little Trash Man had used the missing container to turn his jeep into a 'trash truck'.

He was playin' with his Mr. Potato Head when he saw his mom strugglin' with a laundry basket tryin' to open the door. Takin' after this brother and tryin' to be a good 'helper' he ran straight to the desperate damsel's rescue. Ian held up the tiny plastic hand of Mr. Potato and offered, "here Mama......need a hand?" I know it was about as useless as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy armpit but it was so stinkin' cutely clever!

We had the privilege of eatin' dinner with Butterfly's family a couple weeks ago. After the meal was devoured Social brought in some chocolate chip cookies askin' if anyone wanted one. Itty~Bitty pipes up with, "I loooooooove cookies!!!" It's never a dull moment 'round this little fella. He celebrated his birthday surrounded by family, gifts and a very sinful Ice~Cream Sunday Cake. What's a birthday without a little chocolate oozin' outta your ear?

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Lovin' this one is like sugar in your hand, but not near as grainy. These two brothers hold my heart. They know just like Marvin Gaye and Kim Weston who recorded the hit single in 1965 that,"two walkin' hand-in-hand is like addin' just a pinch of spice." Well, if that don't put the pepper in the Gumbo! Ya can bet the farm that Jacob and Ian know that...." It Takes Two "!!!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

A WONDERFUL GUY (I'm as Corny as Kansas in August)

Sportin' more tassels than a stage full of Vegas striptease artist, she stands strong and tall. Her silky strands blow softly in the wind as her body rustles to and fro in the valley's breeze. The aroma of her sweet perfume arises to greet the afternoon sun. Corn, a member of the grass family, is one of the many crops that are planted here on the Ponderosa. I'm not sure what we were thinkin' this year when we named her our 'Cash Crop'. Now, if that thought wasn't like a lost ball in high weeds!!!

Everybody knows the quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket but that' just not the farm way. We take every blessed cent and put it into our land, herds or machinery. Makin' a livin' on a farm is much like gambelin', we're only a hail storm, flood or drought away from poverty. That's why many farmers have jobs off the farm simply to put food on the table for his family. Lord knows, this is one chick who's learned to squeeze a quarter so tight the eagle screams. It's easy to invest a years salary puttin' a crop in the ground. Due to 'fixed' market reports the price of corn fell harder than a drunk on a corn mash wagon at harvest time. I'd be streachin' it to tell you that it's even gonna cover our expenses but we're still as happy as if we'd had good sense. It's just the way we fly!

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Poor 'Farm Boy', I seem to only take pictures of him when he's dirty. What can I say? The man gets dirty when he's workin' and he's always workin'. No matter what, dusty 'Pigpen' makes my heart swoon today even more than it did almost forty years ago.

Did ya'll know that an average ear of corn has 800 kernels in sixteen rows? Who figures this stuff out? If ya bagged up a pound of corn, that bag would contain 1,300 kernels. Each year a single US Farmer provides food and fiber for 129 folks- 97 Americans and 32 on foreign soil. Fifty five per~cent of our corn in the US is shipped to overseas markets. Corn is produced by every continent in the world except Antarctica. Truly, I'm not just hangin' noodles on your ears here.

When it's so hot the hens in the hen-house are layin' hard boiled eggs and it's drier than happy hour at the Betty Ford Clinic the leaves and stalks of the corn begin to dry into a crispy brown fiber. As the yellow kernels start to dimple prettier than the face of Shirley Temple, we know it's time to pull in the combine for harvest time on the Ponderosa.

This show tune was written especially for Mary Martin's spunky bubbly personality for the original 1949 Rodgers and Hammerstein Broadway musical, South Pacific. It was later sung by Mitzi Gaynor in the 1958 film adaption. I too can sing "I'm as corny as Kansas in August" or be so stinkin' poor that we have to go down to the local KFC and lick other people's fingers, I can rest in the fact that I'm in love with "A WONDERFUL GUY!!!"

CORNY JOKE: What did the corn say when she got complimented?
ANSWER: "Awwwww......shucks!"
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