Friday, June 11, 2010


They exploded across my back like fireworks on the Forth of July spreadin' burning embers of blisters that played connect the dots with my body leavin' lunar craters in their wake. More huddled on my chest nestled between the 'twin peaks' Alfred and Drooper. (Don't ask...Hubby named 'em...been that way since the beginning of time.) Like ants on a log they traveled up the back of my neck and into my hair. Others popped up on my face like acne outbreaks of an awkward pubertal french fry eatin' teen who hasn't washed his fourteen year old face with soap in days. Swelling invaded bands around my body leavin' bruises like I'd gone eight rounds in the ring with Danny Lopez. It all started five weeks ago with a nasty virus and a wrenched back that took me down like a two hundred pound lumpy muscled quarterback. By the end of the week I'd shaken the virus and beaten the backache when I was hit with a savage case of shingles. These things have ravaged my body now for four weeks and have just been everywhere. Kinda like Bilbo the little traveling garden Gnome who belongs to the Dirt Princess. I was sure glad to see him and was desperately needing some major help 'round the Ponderosa.

I had promised to instill some well valued work ethics in this smooth operator who had become quite the Casanova playboy. He is a garden gnome and really did need to get back to his roots. The first thing the little Don Jaun did after his arrival was to check out the cottage garden for any saucy little fairies. Then he threw on his sexy shades and grabbed a tall glass of iced tea to lounge out at the bistro set. Well this Ozark farm chick will have none of that! I'm sick and need all the muscle I can get 'round here so I handed him a shovel and he loaded up a wheelbarrow full of mulch. Golly gee, I almost lost Bilbo when he fell in a mole hole in the rose garden. After rescuing him he was on to the next job. The corn field needed a good weed sprayin' so Bilbo hopped on the big blue tractor and went to work. He later climbed to the upper field to feed and count the Soul Sisters, a group of heifers who had never seen the likes of the miniature farmer. Needless to say, little Romeo was plumb tuckered out. Arisin' early the next morning, 'cause that's what we do on the Ponderosa, I put Bilbo on the lawnmower while I kicked back to enjoy the fantastic view. That's when it revolt. Tuckered testy Bilbo jumped into the fountain for a cool dip and insisted on real vacation. He even threatened to pack his bags before sunset, saddle up Tiger the Wonder Dog and head out over these hills and hollers.

Just like Johnny Cash sang in 1959 and my singles, Bilbo can sing "I've Been Everywhere" man. If you would like to host Bilbo's vacation please leave a comment tellin' him why you would like him to visit your garden and follow the rules below. We'll throw your name in a flower pot and select Bilbo's next destination then I'll pack his bags and he'll be on his way!!!

#1) COPY & PASTE these rules into your post on Bilbo if you receive him. The post must be titled WHERE IN THE WORLD IS BILBO: (your city). If everyone copies the rules, then the person you send it to will know what to do. If each post is titled the same, we can keep track of Bilbo and follow him on his adventure. PLEASE do not forget to copy and paste these rules into your post if you receive Bilbo.
#2) In order to participate you MUST leave a comment on the post about Bilbo with the blogger that has him. That blogger will draw names from the people who left comments on that post. Once the winner is selected Bilbo will be on his way to see your garden.
#3) When you receive Bilbo please take a photo (or photos) of him in your garden as well as a photo of yourself with Bilbo.
#4) Rules are linked to . Please leave a comment on The Dirt Princess' page so she can keep track of him and let other bloggers know where Bilbo is, and post where bloggers can see his latest travel.
#5) Please try to get Bilbo out the door as quickly as you possibly can. If at all possible please try not to keep him more than 7 days. We want to get him to as many places as we can in 6 months.
#6) Bilbo will travel for 6 months, April 21, 2009- October 21, 2009. If you have Bilbo at the end of this 6 month time frame, you will ship him back to the Dirt Princess at
Of course he has passed his expiration LOL!
#7) When Bilbo arrives back with the Dirt Princess, there will be a great post letting everyone know where Bilbo has been, when he visited as well as links to the bloggers posts that had Bilbo.
#8) There will be a list enclosed with Bilbo for each blogger to sign once they receive Bilbo. That list will be sent back to the Dirt Princess.
#9) Should anyone have any questions please contact Dirt Princess at
#10) The blogger that is has possession of Bilbo is responsible for shipping him to the next blogger. Please handle him with care. He is ceramic.
#11) Bilbo may be shipped to countries outside the United States. We want everyone to join in on the fun!
#12) If you would like to throw in a little something with Bilbo to ship the next blogger, please feel free. Add to the excitement. See what Bilbo brings you when he arrives at your door step.
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