Wednesday, December 28, 2011


Grinnin' like a hungry cat who just landed in a well stocked Aviary, her shinin' faced beamed as she said, "today I'm marrin' your son and you will really be my mom." December 1, 1995 , Geek Son married The Latin Lovin' Hillbilly and we gained another daughter. Our family was blessed more than Christmas dinner after the fast at a monastery when this one joined our happy clan.

On December third my sweet Mother-In-Love celebrated her 84th birthday surrounded by family and a big old cake piled high with icin'. Doesn't that smile just light up a room? Born in 1927, this lovely lady has seen more in our world than most of us could wrap our brains around. She is now livin' in an assisted livin' facility and lovin' it more than a fly loves sticky buns on Christmas Mornin'. Mom and my wonderful Father-In-Love would of celebrated their 65th weddin' anniversary on the eighth of December along with my Brother-Out-Law's (just kiddin') 49th birthday.

This handsome dude loves football and the Colts almost as much as he loves that Banana Split Cake. Zacharie is the oldest of our 'bonus' grandkiddos. He's a great big brother to Alexis, Jacob and little Ian. This awesome football player holds down a job as he hold up his grades. My heart bursts watchin' him grow into the super young fella he is. Zach celebrated his 17th birthday on the tenth. on!!!!

Mischievous as a hyper Blue Heeler pup in a box full of kitties, this happy gent celebrated his birthday on the twelfth of December. This Ozark Farm Chick can't look at Joel without seein' my daddy all over that jubilant face. Oh how that smile melts this gals heart. He's a builder, a scientist and a lover of God. Did I mention he's a climber too? Yep, if we ever lose this one we've learned to simply look up. He climbs walls folks!!!

The Latin Lovin' Hibilly in all her orneriness was born December 14, 1975. Ya need rear view mirrors on the back of your ears 'round this one. Geek Son made his very dramatic entry into this world December 18th, 1974. This Mama's so very proud of the man, husband and father he's become but someone had to put a stop to all these celebrations. As Barney Fife said, "Nip it...Nip it in the bud!"

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When our beautiful Social Butterfly found the Monarch of her dreams, ya know the one that made her little heart flutter, flip and go pitty~pat, a December weddin' was brought up. Miss Social said, "Oh no...Mama won't allow anymore hitchins or babies bein' birthed in December." This union took place in January. Ya'll know what happens when Mamas not happy! Heeheehhee! Let me tell ya'll, I've popped more than few proud buttons over this one too! She makes my heart sing.

Our Decembers are packed tighter than a clown car.....then we have Christmas. Here on the Ponderosa we are celebratin' Christmas on December 31st. It truly doesn't matter to this chick what day we celebrate as long as we celebrate together. Shouldn't we all be celebratin' the birth of our Lord and Savior everyday anyway? 'Just sayin'.......

Saturday on the Ponderosa the tree's 1,100 lights will be lit, the Christmas music jammin' in the background, the dinner table filled with all the trimmins and the fresh cider table filled with decant homemade candies. Farm Boy will gather the grandkiddos 'round his big old recliner to read the true Christmas story from the Bible. Presents will be opened as laughter fills the air but most of all we will celebrate Jesus. Yep, like Elvis sang on his October 15, 1957 single and on the United States best sellin' Christmas Album ever, "For if everyday could be just like Christmas, what a wonderful world this would be!" Just like Mr. Presley, I want to always celebrate Jesus each and every day so I ask, "Why Can't Everyday Be Like Christmas?"


Tuesday, December 20, 2011

SUGAR AND SPICE ( Winner announcement)

Sweeter than Granny Walden's Karo Pie, this little dancin' queen had her Grandma Muzzie's 'Happy Dance' perfected by her first birthday. Born October 14, 2005, little Miss Sarah Grace truly graced our family with her infectious smile and the energy of a Duracell battery.

One glance from those sparklin' chocolatey brown eyes as big as saucers can melt your heart faster than this Ozark Farm Chick can leap over a corral panel with a wild~eyed bovine breathin' down my knickers. This nectarous Fairy Princess is too darn stinkin' cute and knows how to use it baby. Honey Pie will roll those big browns when she's in trouble and say, "I love you Mommy (Daddy)!!!"

Miss Candy coated Pippi Longstockin' broke her little wing flyin' off the arm of the sofa a couple years ago and sported the cutest tiny purple cast. Her Mama, The Latin Lovin' Hillibilly, braided her pigtailed braids 'round a coat hanger for that year's Christmas program. The teen gals backstage had a blast and a half flippin' the braids up...then down each time Gracie was offstage.

Her spiraled curly Shirley Temple look gained her a flower girl position in my nephew's hitchin'. Sarah Grace was most enchanted with the chocolate fountain. It is the factor in most girls dreams isn't it??? I know, I need to hit more of those Chocoholic's Anonymous meetings.

"Oh, my dolly finally came," were the words squealed when she opened the present we handed her. See, Sarah asked for a Hearts for Hearts Nahji from India doll that arrived late the day before her birthday. We left for Texas before Sleepin' Beauty awoke on her big day so she didn't get her dolly 'till a week later. I must confess...Grandma's heart sank like a cement block. I felt baaaaaad!!!

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After her dolly came I think ya'll can tell that Miss Gracie had a very happy number six. I swear that smile could light up New York City at Christmastime! Folks, don't let all this syrupy sweetness fool ya though. If the need arises she can be tougher than a two dollar steak takin' both her big brothers down at the knees but most of the time Sarah is sweeter than Charlies Chocolate factory on it's best day.

It was 1963 when an English rock band sang "Sugar and spice and all things nice, Kisses sweeter than wine, Sugar and spice and everything nice, You know that little girl is mine." My little Sarah has a big old piece of my heart and just like The Searchers, I too can belt out how much I love my little" Sugar and Spice !!!"

Ya'll hop on over and congratulate Shug over at 'My Steps Of Faith' who's sweeter than a warm bath filled with decadent Belgian chocolate herself. She is the winner of a signed copy of "Social Climbers" written by that generous Beth over at ' Social Climbers'. Congratulations Shug and a big old Ozark 'thanks' to Beth. Woohoo!!!!

Monday, December 12, 2011

VOGUE (Giveaway)

Uglier than a bucket full of armpits and thinner than an Amish phone book, Farm Boy buys these half starved sale-barn cattle to pretty up and fatten out. Believe me, these hungry bovines eat better than a empty bellied three hundred pound trucker at an all ya can eat buffet when they belly up to the feed bunks here on the Ponderosa. It sure doesn't take these Stravin' Marvins long to plump up and slick out.

Heck, these two beauties could join Beth over at" Social Climbers" for a Monogram Monday. Just look at how these two high society 'it' gals are monogrammed to the kilts. Folks, don't get your bloomers in a bundle, these ladies were previously monogrammed prior to landin' on the Ponderosa.

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Shockin' as an electric fence durin' a thunderstorm, this Ozark Farm Chick was once a sorority girl herself! Yep, I've climbed a social rung or two myself but these days I'm a bonafied 100% Farm gal. Now, if ya'll a want in on the well kept secrets of the Main Line Socialites, I've got the book for you! Even an country lass from the Ozark Mountains can run with chic elites sportin' names like Bibby, Coco and Lilly followin' Beth's advice. Do ya feel as confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar dropped smack in the middle of a social settin'? The 'Preppy Bible' holds the key to your grip on scalin' the social ladder.

That sweet generous Beth over at" Social Climbers "is givin' one of my lucky readers a signed copy of her book "Social Climbers". Now, if that won't sweeten your bitter tea! All ya have to do is comment. That's it. I love the KISS method. Ya know, 'keep it simply sister' but please go visit this special blogger and say 'howdy'! Go, put your feet up and sit a'spell.

In 1990 the real 'it girl', Madonna, wrote and sang, "All you need is your own imagination...So use it that's what it's for...go inside, for your finest inspiration...Your dreams will open the door." This hit song is an upbeat dance~pop tune with heavy influences of the seventies disco era. After readin' Beth's book, you too will be strikin' a pose and singin' "Vogue !!!"

Ya'll have a blessed and beautiful Christmas.
" Social Climbers" can be purchased at

Thursday, December 1, 2011

PRINCESS ( A Winner)

Better than a speckled pup in a red wagon on Christmas mornin', she knew she was a princess the day she was born. Her brothers welcomed her as royalty straight into their arms and protective big brother hearts. Born September 17, 2003, Honor Elizabeth graced this earth and our family with a heart as tender as Granny Walden's farm fresh warm apple dumplin's.

Hubby sometimes refers to little Indian Princess as "Ornery Elizabeth." This Ozark Farm Chick just calls her my "Mini~Me." We not only share September birthdays but looks, creativity, humor, artistic abilities, love of music, mannerisms, a heart for the Lord and His children. As I've said before, watchin' her grow is like steppin' through my own little girl lookin' glass!

No doubt this miniature fudgy faced Cinderella complete with teeny glass slippers will someday find her Prince Charming. Did ya'll notice the Minnie Pearl tag in her crown? She keeps us in stitches with her witty off the cuff humor and her zest for life.

She has written and illustrated a book about her life from birth to her very own family. Honor even had a couple pages dedicated to 'the honeymoon' which had the moon~eyed couple seated at a table complete with a beautiful floral centerpiece. I asked her what a couple did on their honeymoon and she replied, "Well of course Grandma Muzzie, they go out to eat at a really fancy restaurant, enjoy a movie and sleep in very expensive hotels." Silly me, at my age I should know these things...Heeehehe!!! As any best seller, Honor's book ends with "happily ever after."

Yep, this little Princess Bride made her daddy grab his chest, gasp for breath and turn three shades of green when she tried on the dress~up Christmas present we gave her a couple of years ago. Convincin' this dreamy~eyed bride she's not truly a princess is like talkin' a monkey into doin' math equations. 'Just not gonna happen! Mini~Me huffed and puffed and blew out all eight candles atop her birthday cake in one breath. I can only guess what this imaginative doll wished for. Oh, I could just sop this sweetie up with a buttermilk biscuit!!!!

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Long before Elton John blew out "The Candle in The Wind" honoring Princess Di, he wrote the music and sang Gary Osbourne's forgotten song on his 1982 "Jump Up" Album. This proud rockin' grandma could sing Elton's very words as my heart bursts, "You make the sun shine on me~ You're one fine lady~ You're my PRINCESS" !!!

Woohoo!!! Ya'll move the furniture waaaay back and do a great big old happy dance with me 'cause folks, we have a winner! Random Generator has selected lucky number 46. Here's sendin' a big old Ozark 'CONGRATULATIONS' to Julia over at " Of Petals and Wool ", please do pop over and congratulate her. She's a real sweetheart and I know she's gonna love Margaret's book, "Sticky Readers: How to Attract a Loyal Blog Audience by Writing More Better" as much as I did!!!!

"Thank You" Miss Maragret!!! She hangs out at: "Nanny Goats in Panties"

Monday, November 21, 2011


Goats are about as scarce 'round the Ponderosa as front teeth on a back woods hillbilly. Farm Boy's daddy had a few curly horned wild critters climbin' the bluffs 'round here the first couple years of our moon~eyed marriage. There was the in and out goat Dad brought my young son. The one they prayed for under the table in Miss Judy's Primary Sunday School Class 'cause, "Mama was gonna kill it!"

Dad had purchased the wee goat from a industrious little fella at the sale barn in Eldorado Springs, Missouri thinkin' it would make an excellent pet for Geek Son. He hated it! The kid stepped on son's feet and butted him when he tried to bottle feed it plus the dang critter stripped the bark off all my strugglin' saplings. Poor little sale barn fellas heart was as broke as the Ten Commandments so Dad made the trip back, picked up the goat and returned it to it's rightful goatsick owner. Nope, no goats...we're all about crazed wild~eyed cattle here on the Ponderosa.

Now, Margaret Andrews over at 'Nanny Goats in Panties' is just wild as a pack of dogs with a three legged cat when it comes to goats. She's a freelance writer who lives in California with her handsome hubby, Mr. Mudpuppy. Margaret's amusin' blog will leave ya in stitches. In fact, she's hotter than a menopausal Nanny Goat in a pepper patch since she's been voted Best Local Blogger makin' KCRA's A-List in 2011. She's published folks. Yep, this sweet gal writes how to tutorials and presently writes for CBS Sacramento's website. Margret has even had a hand or two writing content for popular video games. You'll find her currently workin' on her screenplay and novel. All you cooks out there lookin' for new recipes must check out her goat recipe box. Just sayin'........
Do ya'll ever feel like growin' your blog and gainin' followers is kinda like nailin' jello to a tree? You work hard slaving over a hot computer writin' your little heart out but still feel it's like goin' to the goat house for wool? Well, I've got the perfect book for you!!!

Say you want your blog hotter than a Billy Goat with a blowtorch, just pick up Margaret's book "Sticky Readers: How to Attract a Loyal Blog Audience by Writing More Better." It's a lighthearted funny read yet heaped full of wonderfully useful bloggin' advice. Margaret sent me a copy since I'm in the book! Yep folks...this Ozark Farm Chick is now famous. I'm kinda in the don't section of metaphors and similes (pages 39-41) but accordin' to the expert I can get by with such overkill 'cause I'm Nezzy and it's just the way I fly!!!

That sweet generous Margaret has offered to give a signed copy of this most informative book to one of my readers. Thanks darlin'!!! To enter...just comment....easy peasy!!!

(This sweet little real life goatie belongs to the, The Maaaa of Pricilla )

Filled with hits like "Angie", "Silver Train" and "Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo (Heartbreaker)", The Rolling Stones released their hit album August 20, 1973. This was after a move in 1972 to Jamaica 'cause it was one of the few places that would let 'em in. Seems bad boy Keith Richards was kicked outta nine countries and this was a way to keep the band together. Ya'll have got to read "Sticky Readers" to help keep cute little goats and your blog outta " Goats Head Soup !!!"

("Sticky Readers" can be purchased in paperback and Kindle versions at Amazon or Barnes & Noble)

Monday, November 14, 2011


Makin' this fine lad break out in sheer laughter could depress the devil. Born July 1, 2000 with a heart more tender than my Granny Walden's special lard pie crust, this handsome fella can be as serious as a cardiac arrest. Meet Jacob, one of my three bonus grandkiddos. This sweetheart is the fantastic little brother of Alexis and Zacharie but adores playin' the role of big brother to little Ian.

Mr. City Slicker is an avid soccer, baseball and football player but is happier than a tornado in a trailer park in the kitchen. The boy loves to cook! We are blessed that he has the heart of a helper in any area and doesn't hesitate to jump right in with both feet when he sees a need. He transforms into a real 'terminator' doin' away with the mean varmints in the video games he loves. Jacob was one of several to celebrate a birthday durin' my summer sabbatical here on the Ponderosa. We love that he became a part of our family and I'm not talkin' with the tongue outta my shoe here!

Remember baby Ian? Oh, how this rockin' Grandma loved to hold this little dumplin' and sniff that new baby head! Like a buzzard to overripe roadkill, I'm addicted to that 'new baby' smell but on July the 8th, the little fella had the nerve to turn the ripe old age of two on us. Speakin' of nerve, he also had the gumption to tell this Type~A Neat Freak, "'re messssssy" when I dumped the Sesame Street Clubhouse in the toy closet. I'm sayin'.........nerve I tell ya!

This one keeps us in stitches. 'Seems he has the vocabulary of the Wikipedia Dictionary and the humor of a well seasoned comedian. 'Don't know where that comes from? Heeehehe!!! His daddy doesn't appreciate noisy toys but as a baby, Ian learned to flip those suckers over slicker than otter snot to mash the button and turn 'em on. He has an assortment of midget vehicles to ride at his disposal. He'll come cruisin' along and all the sudden come to a screechin' halt announcin' , "Oh no" runnin' off to collect his tool box. Little Tool Man will pull out his drill and wrenches workin' hard under the obviously 'broken' auto. Of course, he always finishes the job successfully.

My beautiful daughter, The Social Butterfly, was perplexed when she couldn't locate her kitchen trash can. After searchin' high and low she had to crack up when she discovered that a little Trash Man had used the missing container to turn his jeep into a 'trash truck'.

He was playin' with his Mr. Potato Head when he saw his mom strugglin' with a laundry basket tryin' to open the door. Takin' after this brother and tryin' to be a good 'helper' he ran straight to the desperate damsel's rescue. Ian held up the tiny plastic hand of Mr. Potato and offered, "here Mama......need a hand?" I know it was about as useless as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy armpit but it was so stinkin' cutely clever!

We had the privilege of eatin' dinner with Butterfly's family a couple weeks ago. After the meal was devoured Social brought in some chocolate chip cookies askin' if anyone wanted one. Itty~Bitty pipes up with, "I loooooooove cookies!!!" It's never a dull moment 'round this little fella. He celebrated his birthday surrounded by family, gifts and a very sinful Ice~Cream Sunday Cake. What's a birthday without a little chocolate oozin' outta your ear?

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Lovin' this one is like sugar in your hand, but not near as grainy. These two brothers hold my heart. They know just like Marvin Gaye and Kim Weston who recorded the hit single in 1965 that,"two walkin' hand-in-hand is like addin' just a pinch of spice." Well, if that don't put the pepper in the Gumbo! Ya can bet the farm that Jacob and Ian know that...." It Takes Two "!!!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

A WONDERFUL GUY (I'm as Corny as Kansas in August)

Sportin' more tassels than a stage full of Vegas striptease artist, she stands strong and tall. Her silky strands blow softly in the wind as her body rustles to and fro in the valley's breeze. The aroma of her sweet perfume arises to greet the afternoon sun. Corn, a member of the grass family, is one of the many crops that are planted here on the Ponderosa. I'm not sure what we were thinkin' this year when we named her our 'Cash Crop'. Now, if that thought wasn't like a lost ball in high weeds!!!

Everybody knows the quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket but that' just not the farm way. We take every blessed cent and put it into our land, herds or machinery. Makin' a livin' on a farm is much like gambelin', we're only a hail storm, flood or drought away from poverty. That's why many farmers have jobs off the farm simply to put food on the table for his family. Lord knows, this is one chick who's learned to squeeze a quarter so tight the eagle screams. It's easy to invest a years salary puttin' a crop in the ground. Due to 'fixed' market reports the price of corn fell harder than a drunk on a corn mash wagon at harvest time. I'd be streachin' it to tell you that it's even gonna cover our expenses but we're still as happy as if we'd had good sense. It's just the way we fly!

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Poor 'Farm Boy', I seem to only take pictures of him when he's dirty. What can I say? The man gets dirty when he's workin' and he's always workin'. No matter what, dusty 'Pigpen' makes my heart swoon today even more than it did almost forty years ago.

Did ya'll know that an average ear of corn has 800 kernels in sixteen rows? Who figures this stuff out? If ya bagged up a pound of corn, that bag would contain 1,300 kernels. Each year a single US Farmer provides food and fiber for 129 folks- 97 Americans and 32 on foreign soil. Fifty five per~cent of our corn in the US is shipped to overseas markets. Corn is produced by every continent in the world except Antarctica. Truly, I'm not just hangin' noodles on your ears here.

When it's so hot the hens in the hen-house are layin' hard boiled eggs and it's drier than happy hour at the Betty Ford Clinic the leaves and stalks of the corn begin to dry into a crispy brown fiber. As the yellow kernels start to dimple prettier than the face of Shirley Temple, we know it's time to pull in the combine for harvest time on the Ponderosa.

This show tune was written especially for Mary Martin's spunky bubbly personality for the original 1949 Rodgers and Hammerstein Broadway musical, South Pacific. It was later sung by Mitzi Gaynor in the 1958 film adaption. I too can sing "I'm as corny as Kansas in August" or be so stinkin' poor that we have to go down to the local KFC and lick other people's fingers, I can rest in the fact that I'm in love with "A WONDERFUL GUY!!!"

CORNY JOKE: What did the corn say when she got complimented?
ANSWER: "Awwwww......shucks!"

Wednesday, October 26, 2011


Folks, this chick's wore down like a professional beggar's old shoe. Hubs was tellin' everyone we were goin' on vacation and yes, we did get away from the wild~eyed cattle and off the Ponderosa for a whole week. This is Venus vs. Mars baby and I'm callin' it a "work'cation". That's my final answer and I'm stickin' to it! We just returned from our long trip to Brownsville, Texas to visit my sweet Mama. Don't get me wrong, we go with full intentions of fixin' up and helpin' out as much as we can but I've had the energy of a smashed bug since we returned. Late summer the grandkiddos (I call the Fab~Four) got to make their own little journey to Camp Grandma.

Since the Ponderosa is truly over yonder and in the edge of nothin', we have to make our own entertainment. Ya know how you have good intentions of gettin' pictures of everything you've planned to do and then it hits ya the last day of Camp that you've been too stinkin' busy to pick up a camera, little lone take pictures??? Yeah~ me too... so all I've got to show ya'll is the lonely last day of Camp Grandma!

We went rock climbin'. This is Ethan the clone of his father, Geek Son. This kid is has always been old for his age and knows more than a Philadelphia lawyer. He's generally the first to pull out the leftover fireworks as he loves to have a 'blast' as much as his Rockin' Grandma does. He has a great attitude that spreads just like Kudzu!!!

We hunted for arrowheads and reptiles in the creek bed. Joel is our mad scientist and agile climber. He's always been able to climb up anything slicker than a harpooned hippo on a wet banana tree. If we ever lose Joel we've learned just to look up. He looks like my Dad and also portrays his prankster personality. When I'm missin' my Daddy all I have to do is look at this face and he flashes me the same familiar smile I grew up with.

We collected beautiful rocks. Some we're oddly shaped while others glittered in the beautiful summer sunlight. Little Miss Laura Ingalls...oops...I mean, Little Miss Sarah won the "Most Accidents Award" at Camp Grandma. I swear, this one could get hurt in a padded rubber room! She was injured so often, she'd look like she was gonna start cryin' like a pine knot in a sawmill then we'd look at each other and start laughin'. Cracked me up! Good thing she's tougher than a hungry one eared alley cat yet as sweet as southern tea!

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We picked beautiful wildflowers. Prettier than a box full of speckled pups, (Mini~Me) Miss Honor shares my love (sick obsession) of flowers. Durin' Camp Grandma she dissected flower petals and covered my entire deck with a mass of brilliant color. (Sorry, no pics...I was busy feedin' the masses.) She's an artistic little soul with a heart as big as Texas and truly believes that she's a royal princess. Watchin' her is like peerin' through the lookin' glass at my little girl self.

We hiked many miles but someone with tired little feet thumbed a ride to hitchhike the rest of the way home with the help of big brother. Some people are just as cute as the dickens and know how to use it.

It was hotter than a mess of collard greens on the back of Granny Walden's old wood cook stove that week so there was lots of swimmin' where Honor lost her fear of the water. She sure gave the 'boys' a run for their money!!!

I had trouble keepin' the Toothless Wonder's water wings on her. She wanted to fearlessly swim across the pool without 'em. We struck up a bargain where she wore the wings the first half of the swim then she let Grandma Muzzie stick close by the last half. See that florescent lime green mat floatin' in the background? 'Doesn't float so good anymore. Heehehhee!!!

Look out Ester Williams, we performed synchronized Olympic water maneuvers with grace, style and attitude baby!!! We ate things like Frog Eyes, Shriveled Bat Wings with Possum Poop, Sugar Coated Moths and Slimy Blood Worms. We never, ever eat 'regular' food at Camp Grandmas. 'Wouldn't be prudent!

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When we tired of hikin', climbin', swimin' and smashin' giant boulders we still had the energy to battle Galactic beings and conquer the universe. They do have the genes of that caped wonder 'Super Nezzy', ya know?

Most of all we had loads of smiles and heaps of fun. "Over the River and Through the Woods" was originally written as a Thanksgiving poem in 1844 by Lydia Maria Child from her childhood memories of visitin' her own grandparents home. It wasn't 'till 1951 the Andrews Sisters and Danny Kaye put it to music as the song we know today. I pray the memories made at Camp Grandma will make my grandkiddos sing happily forevermore, "Over the River and Through the Woods" to Grandmothers house we go!!!!

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