Monday, November 22, 2010


Look up in the wild blue yonder. It's a big old turkey vulture. It's a seven forty seven. Nope, it's Super Nezzy! Faster than a mad speedin' cantankerous bull. More powerful than a cornered ticked off mama cow. Able to leap tall corral panels in a single bound. This mere mortal Ozark Farm Chick commonly known as Nezzy is now a woman of steel eatin' only a small bowl of Quaker Oatmeal and a slice of whole grain cinnamon toast instead of carryin' Krypotonite.
Mornings begin early here on the Ponderosa and this one was no different. We were gonna load out cattle prior to Hubby goin' to work. Breakfast was finished, Hubs four star lunch was packed and his water thermos filled with cool sparkling iced well water. It was six O'clock AM and dark as burnt toast! I notice the love of my life puttin' on his camouflaged manure stompers and asked what the heck he was doin'. "Off to herd those cattle and separate 'em to load the cattle trailers" was his nonchalant answer. I commenced to tell my man that I'd be as much help as Blind Bartimaeus blindfolded in a lunar eclipse bein' night blind and all when he handed me a flashlight. Yep, not the big cattle stick I usually carry, not a hot shot but a flashlight! As I have often stated, my favorite sayin' 'round these hills and hollers is, "ya want me to do WHAT???" I had that feelin' way down in my innards that this was not a good idea and in so many ways just wrong but bein' the good helpmate I am I bolted out the backdoor in my yoga leggins covered with some old CK jeans, a cute little tee topped with a Carhartt hoodie, my Nike' manure runners and ladies and trusty Maglight! I am after all Super Nezzy!
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We blindly corralled and penned the critters then began sortin' and cuttin' them out according to sex and size. I was flingin' gates open and stepin' in to turn certain bovines when all the sudden I flung the gate open at Hubby's command and a group charged. I did not have my stick, all I had was my Maglite which did not detour the black furry animal who ran right into me nestling it's head into my chest. Nope it wasn't cooing or sayin', "do ya love me Mama," he just wanted me outta his!!! The Dark Knight pushed his nose just under my ribcage below the Grand Tetons liftin' me up off the ground. Lord have mercy, I thought I'd gone to meet my maker! Still hangin' on to my defense weapon with my left hand, the Maglite, I placed my right hand on the head of another bewildered steer and pushed myself back touchin' my tooties on Mother Earth once again. Gotta love that solid ground!

Baby, I was breathless. Gettin' hit in the chest with a full throttle locomotive will do that to a gal. I leaned up against the corral to locate my lungs , catch my breath and count all my fingers and toes. After we loaded three cattle trailers, I took my achy~breaky body and my useless Maglite back to the house to lick my wounds. As soon I a caught my breath I kinda felt like that rockabilly piano poundin' Louisianian who was the kissin' cousin of Mickey Gilly and Jimmy Swaggart, Jerry Lee Lewis. Singin' his boogie woogie country gospel rhythm and blues songs, Jerry's 1958 single fit my situation perfectly. When I think of the animal I came eye~ball to eye~ball with feelin' the heat of his stinky corn breath and the slime from his slobbers I just wanna sing, "You leave me aaah breathless...ah."


Monday, November 15, 2010

Daddy's Girl

He cradled my entire tiny body in his big strong hand as he reached out to greet me. The first words I heard from him was, " Well ,would ya look there??? She's a real farmer..... why, she's already milkin' and spreadin ' manure!!!" This Ozark Farm Chick was the firstborn and the only boy my Daddy would ever have. Mama loved dressin' her perfect precious baby girl satiny dresses piled with poofy layers of ruffles and lace but Daddy clothed me in cowboy outfits and countrified bibbed overalls. He showered me in cap-guns, cowboy boots, cowboy hats and yes, even my own pony. Later on he taught me how to fish amazin' him by casting both left and right handed. Heck, I could even cast upside down which always put a big old smile on his face. This was a man who wasn't big on affectionate hugs, kisses or sweet sappy words but if he liked ya~ you knew it, he would shower you with gifts and look out baby if he loved ya 'cause restraint was not in his vocabulary.

Daddy had a bit of an ornery streak in him that ran through his whole lifetime. As a boy he once told his sister he was gonna buy the little one room High Point School he attended when he grew up and burn it to the ground. Bein' as ornery as a cornered banded bull he in fact, did just that! We had a little old spinster neighbor lady who called late one cold December evening in a panic fearin' that Dad's hayfield was ablaze. As it turned out, it was just the aura of the red Christmas lights that adorned the old well house the prankster decorated in the middle of the big pasture. My best friend and I were chewin' buttons the cold snowy mornin' the jokester decided to try out his new four wheel drive pick up as he drove straight over the steep hill our house rested on instead of takin' the gravel road 'round the hill. Squeals streaked from my children as he chased them around his house snappin' his false teeth in his hands sayin, "I'm gonna bite you!!!" He once took my son to Charlie's Country Store in Filly to get any bottle of soda pop he wanted. Seein' three year old Geek Son 'round the corner with a liter of orange pop as big as he was totally cracked Dad up and of course bought the colossal thing. He initiated my DIL into the family with a WalMart bag filled with the most realistic rubber black snake ya'll have ever seen grinnin' that grin and sayin', " Here, I bought something for ya!"

He's the one who taught me how to saddle and ride a horse and make snow igloos. The one who showed me why you don't shoot a shot gun strait up in the air. Yep folks, he got a big belly laughin' hoot outta that one! He taught me how to drive a car and the control the big tractor after I ran it into the only truck in the wheat field. I received loads of Dad advice like, always carry enough money to get home when ya go out on a date and never look at anything after you've already purchased it. Helpful things like it doesn't cost any more to run a car full than it does empty. How to stand in front of runnin' cattle turnin' them into the workin' pen and even how to jump those corral panels if necessary. He taught me about castration, vaccination and dehorning the wild eyed bovine critters. Even as he walked me down the isle on my weddin' day to marry the man of my dreams ( or as Dad called him, "that long haired hippie guy") he was sayin', "it's not too late my little can still back out. That long haired hippie became the father of his grandchildren, son and treasured confident.

Mom and Dad moved from their Missouri farm in Stockton to Brownsville, Texas where Dad no longer had to feed cattle in the ice and snow. This is where Dad began his long battle with leukemia and many other forms of cancers. Shocking his doctors by surviving impossible odds time and time again, Hubby and I often called him Timex..."takes a lick and keeps on tickin'! He lost this battle the middle of October. He will live on through his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. This little great-grandson dude is Dad incarnate. When Joel was born Hubby called him 'Little Bill' and when he gets that ornery gleam in his eye and grins that familiar grin I can see my Daddy. Dad was a lover of the Grand Ole Opry that I often heard echo from his bedroom on the Saturday nights of my youth. Kinda like Red Sovine who hung out with the likes of Minnie Pearl, Charlie Pride and Hank Williams. Daddy fed on Sovine's truck drivin' hit's like Teddy Bear, Cryin in the Chapel and Lay Down Sally but I long to belt out Red's 1974 hit song 'Daddy's Girl' loud and strong.

You will be missed but this Ozark Farm Chick will forever be 'Daddy's Girl'!!!

Monday, November 1, 2010


By porin' some sugar in a sauce pan then stirin' in a good portion' of corn syrup, water then enhancing the concoction with a flavoring that will delight your taste buds and bring your brew to a rollin' boil ya'll can have a lip lickin' sweet treat in about twenty minutes. The edible candy on a stick dates back to 1784 where it initially was referred to as soft instead of hard candy. The word 'Lolly Pop' is broken down into 'Lolly' meaning tongue and 'Pop' meaning slap. Today's modern reference dates back to the 1920's where lollipops were rumored to be invented by George Smith who started brewin' these hard candies in his Connecticut home namin' them after his race horse "Lolly Pop". How fast can you get to the center of a Tootsie Roll??? If you would like to try your hand at makin' these candied sticky lickers just click on this 'tacky' recipe. Heeehehehe!
This confectionery sweet darlin' delight just celebrated her fifth birthday on October, 14th. A luscious dessert to our family she is always spreading sweet fondant blessings through her good natured kindness and consideration. Named Sarah Grace,the youngest of four, has lived up to her Hebrew name meanin' princess. Grace originates from the English language simply meaning full of grace. If that one just doesn't crank the rusty tractor so we just call our sweet little bon-bon Gracie.
This Ozark farm chick knew she was gettin' both granddaughters real ballet slippers and leg warmers for their birthdays but durnin' an intense conversation Miss Sarah Grace told this rockin' grandma she wanted a pretty pink Hot Wheels Car...with glitter. My response to Gracie and her siblings was, "Do they make pink Hot Wheels Cars...with glitter???" With 'nos' flyin' from all directions and heads shakin' back and forth like they were watchin' a ping pong tournament, I knew this was not goin' to be as easy as slidin' off a greasy log backward. Well, not wantin' to get caught with my pants down I flew into action buyin' a Lamborghini gold Hot Wheels car, pink paint and clear silver glitter nail polish. That teeny~tiny car got two coats of pink paint for four days in a row then two glitter coats for two days. Yep, I was havin' more fun than a tornado in a trailer park and was as pleased as punch on how the pink sparkly little Lamborghini turned out. The astound look on Sarah's face and the dazzle in her eyes as she pulled the little car out of the bottom of her ballet bag made the effort so worthwhile. Why, Geek Son even said he wanted one so I asked him what color??? He answered, "Pink of course...with glitter!"
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Her smile is as warm as the bright sun on a summer day and sweetness is her orb. Just take a look at that face and tell me ya don't want to eat this child up. In 1958 Beverly Ross and Julius Dixon wrote " Sweeter than candy on a stick, huckleberry, chimry or lime" for their single 7" RCA record "Lollipop" sang by a female quartet. In viewin' the video I noticed a familiar face doin' the cheek-poppin' sound for the song. Yep, I was was a very young Andy Williams. After a little research I found the video was filmed during the Chordette's appearance on the Andy Williams Show. In my mind this song was written for Sarah Grace ' cause each and every time I lay my big browns on her I just want to belt out, " Lollipop lollipop , Oh lolli lolli lolli "Lollipop"................
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