Wednesday, August 26, 2009

BUTTERFLIES ARE FREE

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Like the Goldie Hawn movie that inspired the 1969 song by Edward Albert, "Butterflies Are Free," butterflies are free wings of freedom. These enchanted flying flowers sport diverse patterns of brightly colored wings displaying erratic yet graceful flight. This black female swallowtail belonging to the order Lepidoptera is indeed free, free to enjoy this Sweet William in my wild flower garden. Freedom, a privilege this farm chick fears may be short termed if organizations like the Humane Society, PETA or the ASPCA get wind of what I have been up to. Not to mention that using mothballs other than the recommended directions is a violation of Federal Laws. I'm jail-bait. Who knew?

The feud between the La'Pews and the Ponderosa household is exhausting. So far PePe and his carnivorous kin are winning. I have drenched the lawn in Dursban eliminating the families food supply of moist juicy grubs. They have out skunked us against the A-5 Automatic Browning 12-gauge Belgian poly choke shotgun. The rabid carrying critter made like Houdini when confronted with the 22-caliber Ithaca lever action rifle. They have enjoyed their dinning experience of the decadent smorgasbord I have set before them consisting of a CyKill appetizer, the newest of morsels designed for anticoagulant resistant rats. I served them a mouthwatering entree' of Diamond dog food kibbles splashed with vegetable oil then coated in Quickrete mortar mix. When I spooned this tasty entree' under the house through a drain hole off the carport I thought I had entered Purgatory hearing growling and gnashing of teeth as I laid out my presentation. Finally, an irresistible dessert of Decon peanut-butter balls was offered which was consumed instantly. The immortal pole cats are thriving on these delicious delicacies and begging for more.

Taking the advice of a sweet blogger I ran a search using mothballs to evict the odorous tenants dwelling under our abode. This was the last straw, so we were off to purchase some eviction balls where we met the friendly clerk who followed us onto the parking lot and to our auto. Sharing advice like, "feed 'em some bar bait, that'll git'em,"... or....are you ready....,"Ya, need to LIVE trap 'em." Yeah right, I'm not that stupid, brave or adventurous. I had very high expectations using this plan so I scattered a box of eviction balls in strategic areas beneath our house as Hubby was showering. Entering the house with my nose burning, eyes watering and the back of my throat raw, I met Hubby commenting on the strength of the smell and how intense his head was throbbing. I think we both agreed that this smell surpassed skunk juice as the top undesirable odor. We could endure if it would evict the smelly little devils. That night I was awaken from midnight to four in the morning by the activity. They obviously enjoyed the fragrance and was having a bash to celebrate.

My lovely home that always reeks of mulberry essence is now emitting a strong mothball scent laced with a touch of skunk juice. The La'Pew family is interfering with this hormonal menopausal farm chicks sleep and we all know ya' don't mess with a menopausal woman especially one who has ammo within reach. Lord I pray if I am incarcerated by animal rights groups or for breaking Federal Laws that I be locked up in a Sandals all inclusive Caribbean prison. I would prefer to be free but if not let it be in a warm tropical setting where "Butterflies are Free!!!"

19 comments:

  1. I am just sitting here laughing, I can't believe after all that, those guys are still alive and living under your house! Do you want to borrow my Rottweiler Buck? Just clean him up before you return him! LOL

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  2. Poor baby! I had a snunk 'try' to take up residence under my old house. I did the mothball and rags soaked in amonia. It did stink, but the skunk left. And the house was so old and "holy", that the smell disappated quickly! Wish I could help you!

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  3. Since you've mentioned butterflies - You should visit the valley of the butterflies in the charming greek island of Rhodes. thousands of butterflies in a multitude of colors gather on the trees and bushes of this place. It's a magnificient view.

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  4. Wow. Just wow. What a pickle!

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  5. So sorry about your ongoing fued with the Le'Pews, but, my goodness! you certainly are getting some entertaining stories out of it!

    Your description of the "decadent smorgasbord" is hilarious and I'm with you on the "Sandals all inclusive Caribbean prison."

    I actually thought about you this morning, coming home from work, when a skunk darted out into the road ahead of me. It ran out perhaps three feet into the path of my car, paused, then hightailed it back to the safety of the Waffle House parking lot from which it had emerged. This cousin of the Le'Pew family was strikingly beautiful, solid black with a shock of snow white hair, slicked back on his head like a bad toupee. I was sure you, along with the Waffle House patrons, would be dismayed to know that I had no regrets that the alluring scavenger had made its' escape. One of God's creatures, you know!

    By the way, according to Wikipedia, the keeping of skunks as pets is legal only in certain U.S. states. The striped skunk is the most social skunk and the one most commonly domesticated. DOMESTICATED? HUH?!

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  6. Nezzy--

    I'm sooo sorry that you are still having skunk
    issues, after all those yummies you'd think they'd be gone! Do they have cast iron stomachs?
    But I do have to say your descriptions of this problem are hilarious!


    Melinda :)

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  7. Try using clothespins placed over the noses of everyone in your household. LOL Sorry, I just HAD to make a joke!

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  8. this sounds like a nightmare!
    i hope you find something SOON that helps them to move on...whether moving on means a new home or a home in skunky heaven...
    good luck~
    chasity

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  9. I actually knew a lady once who had a pet skunk and would take it to the groomer to have it's claws trimmed!!! It totally baffled me! I'm all for allowing God's creatures their rights but as long as their rights don't infringe on mine~! Traci
    p.s Thank you for the thoughts and prayers.

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  10. Oh no!!! What's a girl to do?!!!

    Your blog is darling!!! This is my first visit and I look forward to returning!!!

    Have a wonderful day!!!
    XOXO
    Cathy

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  11. Ugh!! We had a skunk SPEND THE NIGHT under our house once, and I thought I was going to die... I can't imagine how bad it would have been if it had chosen to LIVE there!! You poor thing!! Thank you so much for stopping and commenting on my blog!! Hope you get rid of the critters SOON!!

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  12. Oh my gosh, I don't know how you stand it. Not only is the smell horrible, but, I have a longtime phobia about being sprayed. I am still laughing about using "bar bait". I hope you can git rid of them thare little darlings reel soon!
    Thanks for stopping by and saying hi. You can be sure you are now on my most read list. Take care, Susan.

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  13. Oh dear...we've never had to deal with a skunk problem other than a dog getting skunked a time or two. I cannot believe that you have such hardy skunks! YIKES!

    May this, too, come to pass....

    Blessings,
    Tammy ~@~

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  14. I feel for you..as cute as the LePews may be, they need to relocate to a place of smellfull bliss.

    Thanks for finding my blog and posting. I will do what I can to throw out any words of advice on your childrens' books.

    I love your blog so I'm now following.

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  15. Hi there! I LOVED hearing about the skunks but I feel so bad for you...I hope you can get rid of them soon!

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  16. OMG! I can't believe theya re stilllll there!
    Oy!
    xo

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  17. I'm sorry you're having skunk troubles...I have to tell ya, though; if I had skunks around, I'd probably be feeding them the good stuff--no poison included. My hubby wouldn't be so generous, but I used to feed the mice in the basement when I was a teenager. The same mice that they were trying to catch with mousetraps upstairs! LOL. My middle name is softie.

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  18. You are an incredibly talented writer. I love reading your blog. Too bad your talents don't extend to skunk-catching. :)

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  19. Nezzy, oh my goodness, you have a way with words!

    My dad has live trapped them before. He ties on a really long rope and then is able to pull them to a good spot to shoot them w/ a 22. Just a thought?! :)

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