Thursday, October 29, 2009

RING OF FIRE

It's untamed unrestrained frolicking flame tempts me and teases me. The romantic forceful flicker freely dancing about inhaling oxygen summons and beckons me into its magical powers. Hi, my name is Nezzy and I love fire. Yep, I adore setting fires. I covet watching the uninhibited consumption of the forceful blaze. Living smack in the middle of the Ponderosa allows me to feed my addiction. I get to burn trash, brush piles and enjoy the heat pushing from my fireplace every blessed day of winter. Hi, my name is Nezzy and I might be a pyromaniac. I once burned a hole in my moms kitchen linoleum floor as a young fire crazed child. When mom left the house to do chores I headed for the matches. I truly believe it is hereditary. My son loves the flame and he married a gal who loves to burn. I caught my twelve year old grandson just sittin' staring into the fireplace announcing he'd rather watch fire than T.V. Today I want to touch on a subject that burns within.

PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT: Wrap up the babies and get the young'ens out of the room. The subject today is for mature audiences only!

Men-o-pause: What the heck do men have to do with it? Rita Rudner once said, "Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause-you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles." Well let me tell ya'll, major mood swings, racing pulse, drenched clothes and sleepless nights are not this farm chicks idea of fun. Your temp can swing from hot as a fireplace to livin' in an igloo faster than an Ozarks weather change. This is not your mothers menopause. Our mothers were on birth-control pills and stayed on them during "the change" which I believe kept them from turning into a psycho mama drama. I never saw my mother want to shuck her pantyhose right in the middle of praise and worship service 'cause they were melting into every pore of her body. How do you know your in perimenopause? Well girls, if you have stripped your heating system from your house and put it in the neighbors yard sell your probably there. Your definitively there if you are calming watching your favorite program or reading a good book and get the urge to rip off your clothes and run naked through the cow pastures.

The symptoms differ for each individual at various intensities. One might see a change in their periods. A once monthly visitor might skip a month or decide to come visitin' several times. Until three months ago I thought I would be the only old lady in the nursing home that attendants would have to order tampons for. I could just hear 'em, "Did anyone buy the OBs? Aunt Flow has come to visit Nezzy again!" Weight gain seems to become a problem at this time sometimes causing a menopot otherwise known as the midriff bulge. Seventy five percent of ya gals suffer from power surges (hot flashes). Your internal furnace basically short-circuits putting you on a roller coaster ride of wet hot sweat that soon turns cold and clammy ending with a mass of freezing chills. Ya step out of your wonderfully relaxing bath toweling off to apply lotion that only wants to lather. Nobody promised this was going to be pleasant. Night sweats are just hot flashes that give you menomares and steals your sleep waking you up so you can change your sheets and put on some flippers. If you see your Hubby shivering and putting on more clothes you know you have entered this phase. Others suffer from the forgetful menobrain or fuzzy thinking that is just a form of temporary insanity. These menopausal moments can be rather entertaining. Instead of having another emotional breakdown just dance and celebrate because you finally found the missing toilet paper you stored in the freezer. Some experience mood swings that don't require a mood ring to tell anyone around to stand back and give you your moment. There is hair loss due to the imbalance of hormones and facial hair growth for the same reason. Then comes the drying of the skin and the absence of your natural personal lubricants leaving you as dry as the Mojave Desert. Not needing to be reminded I'm still one hot chick has not been the highlight in my life.

I will try not to dwell upon the fact that this phenomena can last up to ten years. I'm just tryin' to focus on the joy that I haven't chocked the life out of anyone yet. Hubby keeps reminding me in his very wise tone, "this too shall pass!!!"

Ah, I see the light....there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Help is out there in many forms. I decided not to go the way of HRT treatment due to the vast side effects and go au'natural. I am just a natural kinda gal. In the beginning little tweaks helped. I practice yoga, exercised and ate a balanced diet. Aloe Vera gel is a great personal lubricant. Soyshakes are good along with added vitamin E. I added a topical progesterone cream and passion flower as I progressed. Two years later I added black cohosh. A couple years later red clover was added to the mix. Then the walls collapsed and I was having sweats every fifteen minutes day and night with little or no sleep. It wasn't a pretty sight. A topical estrogen cream was added. I tried an array of products tweaking different mixtures and was getting no relief until I tried Menopause Solutions which changed my life! After one dose the hot flashes diminished and I was able to sleep again without the menomares. I was able to drop black cohosh, red clover and passion flower from my arsenal. I get nothing from Menopause Solutions, they are not a sponsor nor even care that they have helped this gal from runnin' naked through the fields. I'm just sayin' when the time comes or the next time ya feel that old power surge running from the top of your head to the tips of your toes ya might want to try Menopause Solutions total system balance instead of fallin' into the "Ring of Fire."
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63 comments:

  1. Oh, poor, poor, old Nezzy! She has joined the ranks of the sweaty and dangerous!

    No my darling, none of the remedies worked for me either. And the weight gain thingie -- I worked my buns and abs and sore knee-joints to the max for a few years before I realized the only thing that was happening was that I was more tired and more sore!

    I have no advice to make things better other than to apply that soycream and have more sex (that always sounds like a great solution to a girl who gets none!) and eat more chocolate!! Cry when you need to, take your frustrations out on your dust bunnies, yell at Oprah or Morrie; and pray, pray, pray! But for heaven's sake -- don't go throwing your pantie hose at the choir!

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  2. I like the title (ring of fire), and I very much like your descriptive, colorful language.
    As for advice and solutions - you're Great as usual.
    Peace and Happiness!

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  3. Thank goodness those days have long past for me. I have been out of menopause now for 14 years(I was 45). But I still felt better in the tampon day's because regardless that there are no hot flashes,what feels like my old "pms" day's seem unending with no relief. I guess I just learned to live with it. Then everyone's symtoms are different. I'm hoping you feel better soon.

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  4. Been there. Done that. Nothing worked for me, either.

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  5. That's a very creative title for such a topic. Wonderfully composed. What a writer, you are! :)

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  6. I had to laugh at some of your descriptions because yes, I see that that's on it's way for me. Living in the desert and sweating doesn't work for me at the moment so I can't imagine dealing with menomares too.

    I'm going to check into Menopause Solutions. Thanks for the suggestion.

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  7. When I saw your blog title I thought you were going to talk about Johnny Cash. LOL That song of his goes through my brain a lot when I'm having a hot flash. I have found that maca (all natural root) helps me. Thanks for your fun blog and suggestion.

    Cheers!
    Julie
    Julie Magers Soulen Photography
    Blog of Note

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  8. If I had only known, before I...

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  9. Now, I haven't heard of Menopause Solution. See, I was thrown head first into it surgically, so it wasn't a gradual thing for me. You left out the headaches and depression, just a by the way!! I have to go HRT. I have EVERYTHING and then some with this C R A P! I have begged for my ovaries to be put back in! I wasn't even perimenopausal! I am going to check out this Menopause Solutions, cuz, what have I got to lose!! Flashing right now....shit!

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  10. SOY TABS, ladies! I never had a menopause, so I was very fortunate BUT Soy Tablets have relieved every friend of mine of, or greatly reduced the intensity, of hot flashes. They swear by them & Drs./nurses recommend them.

    Have a BOO-tea-FUL weekend. TTFN ~ Marydon

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  11. I had hot flashes for about 10 years starting at 40. I had to keep my hair long enough to cover my ears because they would get so red. I chose the natural route and rode it out. It's like a lot of things, after it's over you don't remember how bad it was. It gets so much better it's amazing. You're tough, hang in there! I'm a princess and I made it through it. Make me proud! Susan

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  12. Your husband is an angel to be reminding you that this will pass. Mine just found a 39 year old woman. One of my parting shots was, "She'll go through menopause too someday!"

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  13. Men if you are reading this "it" is called menopause because if a man is smart he will pause (and not go there wherever there is for that moment). Men O pause --for your own good--or else. I'm just saying.

    Funny, Nez, and not so funny.

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  14. Entertaining post, as always Nezzy. First of all, I love fires too. We always have bonfires here in the summer. Seems to keep the teenagers around cause they like to sing and make smores....and I adore the teenagers, for some odd reason.
    As for menopause...I'm 68 and still get hot flashes! It's the pits!

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  15. Nezzy---
    I can't stop laughing which is better than crying--peripause has been enough and let me tell you I AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO THE NEXT "PHASE" of life. Why does all this crap have to last soooooooooooooo long??????
    I'm glad that someone can put a comical equation to it. :)

    Thanks for the prayers regarding my injury and
    my therapy. Today was my last PT session and I have been released by the DR.!!! I'm doing well
    but I still have a bit of stiffness sometimes
    probably age related???

    Have a great Friday--I have the day off for my
    birthday that is on Sunday. :)

    Melinda

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  16. Oh sweet Nezzy, I am so sorry for you, but glad you found something that works. You have also scared that patootie out of me.Hopefully I have a few more years before "embracing" this time in my life.

    BTW- You need to give me some fire starting lessons. The guys put me in charge of the fire when we were up in the Ozarks working on our cabin and I must say, I would be a HORRIBLE arsonist.

    The Park Wife

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  17. I am so looking forward to this -- you make it all sound so....fun. I'm sure it's just around the corner for me. Any minute now, probably.
    I'm taking note: Menopause Solutions.

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  18. "I thought I would be the only old lady in the nursing home that attendants would have to order tampons for. I could just hear 'em, "Did anyone buy the OBs? Aunt Flow has come to visit Nezzy again!"

    Oh, Nezzy, you are too much! LOL!

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  19. Thank you so much as always for your sweet supportive comments. HAve a great Halloween. I know menopause sounds like a nightmare but you are so funny I am laughing--sorry. xoxo

    SC

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  20. Oh dear Lord the joys a being a Woman. Thanks for your humor and honesty! I'm still struggling with gestating and soon to be lactating and then you tell me I have this to look forward to??? Have a great weekend!

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  21. Lol, now this was the best post I've ever read on menopause. I'm not quite at that stage in my life yet but I certainly am not looking forward to it. Especially not after reading about the "ring of fire", the "menomares", and the pantyhose flying during worship service. :)

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  22. You absolutely have me cryiing from laughing so hard. It is all so true. It was so bad I threw the electric blanket into the garbage during a snow storm:)
    Joyce

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  23. I just can't imagine a man going through the hot flash experience. I tried to describe it to my husband, that is like burning from the inside out but I am sure it just went right over his head. He freezes at night and I have gone to the lengths of putting icecubes in a washcloth and wrapping it around my head. It is quite a site let me tell you!

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  24. OK I'm cracking up that you got a comment in another language. Can you read that? Wow! Thank you as always for your kind words and support. xoxo

    SC

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  25. Great post! Definitely entertaining, "ring of fire".

    http://harlemshaterade.blogspot.com

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  26. Oh Nezzy...I am right there with ya honey! Although I think running naked through a field in the RAIN sounds darn good!! I couldn't find Menopause Solutions at my health store. I will look around. I need it BAD! (My poor mom has been having hot flashes since she was 33 and she is 72 now! UGH... Hugs!

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  27. ROFL!! I'm sitting here in tears I'm laughing so hard!!! that is so true! And I'm just entering into this lovely experience ;) Nezzy, thank you for the much needed giggle :) You are so precious!

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  28. I am sorry, and I didn't mean to laugh either. Honest! I did HRT cause I had not slept for more than five minutes for two whole years..I was a basket case. I did HRT for two years..and the worst had passed by then. My flashes are often food triggered..garlic and licorice. Some of my friends have done the Soy Milk and Soy Tablets with some success.. I still have very emotional days..and just bawl all day..just because. I din't think it will ever be completely over:(

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  29. You know what I love most about your posts is that you can add in humor to even the most serious of topics!!

    I went through perimenopause early (in my mid 30's) and I actually thought I was already at menopause because I went 14 months without a period. Then out of the blue, it shows up, making up for lost time. I went to my ob/gyn just to make sure everything was okay...I was treated to an endometrial biopsy, good times.

    Everything is fine...just one of those random things I think. My former ob/gyn suggested black cohosh to me awhile back. I haven't heard of the product you mentioned but I'll be sure to check it out if things get worse for me. I do get hot flashes from time to time but what affects me the most is the depression and the moodiness.

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  30. Oh great....looking forward to this.....

    Blessings dear one.... :)

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  31. Poor Nezzy! You make me laugh! I have a while to go (I hope) before i reach menopause, but i know its not easy .Hang in there girl!

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  32. I'm so not looking forward to it, but you are hilarious.

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  33. It's official. I love you Nezzy! This was a hoot-- And I'm not laughing AT you I'm laughing WITH you. I have so been there but I finally surrendered and got the hormone patch for a while-- It was instant paradise! Now it seems things have "cooled" and I'm off it, praying the craziness doesn't come back. Hang in there.
    xo

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  34. Is menopause only good for comedic relief? I mean, really. I hate this part of life. I have stayed on BC pills just to take the edge off. I tried to go off several years ago, and O.M.G. I felt like crap two weeks out of four, so that just wasn't going to work.

    Hang in there girl, we're all on this crazy ride together!!!

    ~Oz Girl

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  35. I agree, it's official, I love you too. You are f u n n y. Yea, I have been going through it too. Like one of the comments before, I thought I was done and then 6 months later "it" showed up with a vengeance, now I am trying HRT. My husband calls it the "happy pill"? Seriously, I wasn't moody he was just messin up.

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  36. What fun... especially since I've been there, done that and survived as a 'naturalist' as well.

    Of course, my husband and everyone else was scrounging for something... mostly to put on!

    Lucy

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  37. Poor Nezzy! I am almost ashamed to admit that I had the dreaded "change" so easy - no hot flashes for me - but, after five years, I still suffer from brain fuzzies. I liken the ease of my transition into old womanhood to the fact that I suffer through womanhood from such an early age: I was nine when I first became intimately acquainted with Kotex. We ladies here call Aunt Flow "George," since of course, ALL the men know who Aunt Flow is. Now we can freely talk about our displeasure with George's visits, and our male counterparts are none the wiser.
    About anything, for heaven's sake.
    Totally agree with Doris about having more chocolate, but don't let her talk you into more sex. The last thing you want during a hot flash is a big burly hair-covered body sweating all over yours!

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  38. Nezzy, you are so funny. and ethelmaepotter, I'm with you on your last point, too! this is like one big joke, but the joke's on me. but I guess everyone else in the family suffers, too, because they get to freeze when i'm flashing and rolling the window down in the minus twenty degree weather and hanging my arm out the window to cool off! misery loves its company! LOL

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  39. From one pyro to another-burn baby burn!!! I read a book that says fire was man's first tv, and tv is a lousy replacement, I agree!

    Man-o-pause??? Is it tacky of me to say this is man's way of making sure they get more attention?

    I decided its time for some help in the hormone area, and hubby comes home from the doc and says "Doc says I need some hormones" I could have punched him!! Add that to his LONG list of pills!!! GGGRRRRRRRRRRRR

    Funny post:)

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  40. I love it. I am going to make Chris read this just so I can watch his face when hears his mother say "personal lubricant". LOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!

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  41. Hi Nezzy,
    I know one thing for sure, Menopause has not hurt your creativity! You are a hoot and a fabulous writer as well~ I surely can relate to every single symptom. It's just not fair is it, we do get the short end of the stick! I am using a patch and a natural creme from a pharmacy that compounds it. Does seem to help some. Thanks for coming by and again this is just one of the best posts ever! Hugs, Cindy

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  42. I could have written this post in one word:

    HELL


    (heh heh)

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  43. Hi Nezzy. I found you at Snappyfinger Di's place. Your comment mentioned the Ozarks and I'm from Missouri - so I had to check you out. And what do I find? Menopause and another 57 year old like me. Oh Lordy, I can tell stories, but instead I'll stay tuned for yours. You are very entertaining.

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  44. I can hardly wait. At least I'll have your expertise to rely on.

    I take an herbal now that has eliminated my "Monthly Mental Illness," and so far, I've had no other concerns, thank heaven.

    Sorry to hear about the pulled groin muscle. I hope it at least takes your mind off of this stuff! :)

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  45. I've just started getting some hot moments... I'm hoping I don't get your ring of fire though.

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  46. Thanks for stopping by "Pickle Talks." I loved this post...it is so timely. I will have to check out your solution. Although my current supplement have been working.

    I agree, my daughters redesign of my bathroom was tastefully done. Which is why I had to get a picture of it. I left the stickers, but my husband or teenage son must have taken them down.

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  47. back in high school when i worked at walmart, i was occasionally in charge of manning the door. they had just installed those alarm things and we were supposed to record the item and the upc code, time, date, etc. one night i was standing there and the alarm goes off. a lady with one item comes back and i nervously ask to see it so i can record the info. she had clearly paid for it--it was the cashier's fault for missing the magnetic strip, but the lady was ticked regardless. then me, stupid 17 year old, asked to see her stuff and it took forever because i was new at it and the lady kept getting more irate. the manager came over after things started looking rough and took over. she asked me later what the deal was and i, stupid, stupid 17 year old said i didn't know why she was so upset--it was just plant food or something.

    turns out the lady was buying ESTROVEN, a menopause supplement, and i had made a semi-scene about it. i didn't realize until years later (did i say how stupid i was?) what she was buying and i still feel bad about it to this day.

    it's a miracle she didn't kill me right there!

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  48. "Ring of fire!" Thank you for the warning. I will keep it in mind when I get there. Beautiful methaphor!

    And, dear Nezzy, thank you for you recent comment. It deeply moved me. It's so good to have you.

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  49. Thanks for once again putting a humorous spin on a not-so-funny topic for many. I love the way you opened up the discussion for those who have gone through some tough times with all the symptoms of menopause. Keep us talking and thinking, Nezzy.

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  50. Well, those are two beautiful sentences to start off your post...I had no idea what they'd lead to! : ) My mom had a hystorectomy before she had the luxury of enduring menopause, but it doesn't sound like fun, my dear! Thank you for hanging in there while I've been away! My grandmother is doing wonderfully, thank you for asking. She's wrapped up her radiation and they think they shrank the cancer so she's good for another 6 months. I appreciate you asking about her. Have a beautiful, blessed day!

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  51. You are the dear with all of your sweet comments. I just love you! xoxo

    Sc

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  52. something to look forward to :)

    i get the fire thing....good thing we don't live close together....we could get a real big one burning.

    thanks for your sweet words and encouragement.

    chas

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  53. I don't know how you stumbled across my blog today, but I'm so glad you did because I got to stumble right back and now that I'm here, I'm staying! You're going to hate me for this, but I sailed through menopause. At about 42 my period just stopped. I got a few hot flashes and night sweats for a bit and then that was it. I wrote about it here: http://injaynesworld.blogspot.com/2009/08/injaynesworld-we-are-solo-at-sixty.html
    I don't normally post links in other people's blog comments because I think it's kind of rude, but couldn't find an e-mail for you and think you'll get a chuckle out of it. Let's see... Oh, I live in a rural community, too, in California. Again, so glad you stopped by. I've already added my tiny head to your followers, so I'll definitely be back.

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  54. Fortunately, that's a bit into my future, but my mom likes to warn me... :)

    Thanks for stopping by and commenting! I love your blog and I love the name! I'll follow!

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  55. As soon as I read the title I instantly started singing.......yes outloud, I am sorry if this hurt your ears.....The Johnny Cash Song "I fell in to a burnin' ring of fire" and hoped that you didn't fall in.....

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  56. Hope it is Many, Many years away from me. I do not want to go through it at all. My hubby said he already dreads it lol. Thanks for sharing your story. I would like to invite you to join my blog... Have a great weekend.

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  57. I so hope this keeps working for ya. I will never forget the rage. I felt like a bottle rocket ready to explode. about 2 years ago. I went 9 month with out Aunt flow then she moved in for a month. It is now about 1 year and I so hope never to see her again. I too premerin and it was my only hope back then. I think I am over all this crazzyness. I so hope.

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  58. Nezzy -- I sympathize when I read this. I even hesitate to tell you this, because I don't want to make you envious, but I didn't have hardly any symptoms when I went through the change. It was kind of a non-event. Although, I do now notice that my personal thermostat doesn't work like it used to. I used to never notice temperature changes, but now I do get too hot or too cold sometimes.

    In fact I played golf yesterday in three layers of clothing and gloves and the temp was in the high 40's. I think pre-menopause I wouldn't have had to wear all that (gloves realllllly hurt my putting!) :)

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  59. Nezzey - I'm not sure how you found my blog - but I'm glad you did because now I've found yours! Your blog is awesome.

    Love it and your sassy attitude! (Probably because mine is similar).

    One area I was really lucky and blessed in was menopause - hope you don't get too jealous - but it was nothing for me. No symptoms, no signs, just over. Sorry. I make up for it in other areas though (lol).

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  60. I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

    Alena

    http://ovarianpain.net

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  61. Well that sums it all up for me. You write like I think, but with no accent, lol. I wrote about it too. I think we all have. It's interesting how we read how other women deal with all of this. My poor mom, who left us 6 months ago at 91, had hot flashes till the end. Can you imagine having them for over 40 yrs.???? All of her sisters have them too and they are in their 80's and 90's. I think I'm in real trouble.
    The girl PEARLS (sorry I spelled it wrong) are just that. You freeze them. They also have the bracelet that matches. I'm sure that's what Kathy Truitt has on.
    I'm leaving Sat for NC, I'll look for menopause solutions. I've tried everything to no avail. I won't do the HRT pills. My sister had a mild stroke with them.
    I just pray that I don't flash till I'm 90 OMG. can you imagine? My poor hubby.
    Thanks for getting back to me. I loved this post.
    You wrote this in 2009, are you better now? I hope so.
    You are one funny lady with wonderful writing skills. And everyone loves you.
    Sending "hot" hugs from Canada.
    Love Claudie ( I hope you see this comment?)
    xoxoxoxoxox

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